*Trigger warning. The content on this page contains information about domestic and family violence and could cause distress.
*Trigger warning. The content on this page contains information about domestic and family violence and could cause distress.

All children have the right to live without violence
We advocate for children and young people who have experienced domestic and family violence by calling on the government to improve the laws, policies and practices that impact children's lives.
In Australia, 1 in 4 children are exposed to domestic and family violence*
The impact of domestic and family violence (DFV) on children and young people is long-lasting. The pain and distress experienced by them cannot be underestimated. Our front-line workers and practitioners tell us that children and young people continue to endure abuse and controlling behaviours on a daily basis from those who should be providing them with care and security.
The damage to a child’s sense of self, the undermining of confidence, the impact on physical and mental health, and the social costs through poverty, loss of education and isolation are detailed in our research report, Truth is the abuse never stopped.
This research has shown that 88% of child victims of DFV have suffered life-long psychological distress as a result of their experiences. Long after the abuse has stopped, the devastating impact of domestic violence remains.
To learn more about changing the future for children impacted by domestic and family violence, read our ‘Making children visible DV snapshot’ report here.
25 November - 10 December
The 16 Days of Activism is a global campaign to end violence
towards women and children.
16 Days of Activism
The United Nation’s international campaign 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, takes place each year from 25 November (International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women) until 10 December (International Human Rights Day).
Barnardos is proud to participate in this year’s 16 Days of Activism and encourages all Australians to work together to prevent violence against women and children.
There is a domestic violence crisis in Australia
1 in 4 children are exposed to domestic violence* and one child per fortnight is killed in Australia by a parent or step-parent.
Domestic and family violence can be prevented.
At Barnardos, we work with children experiencing domestic violence and their families, and we see first-hand the traumatic, long-lasting effects this has on them. We will be using the next 16 days to raise awareness of the impact of domestic violence on children and ask you to join us.
You can take action by supporting and sharing our campaign and activities.
To learn more about changing the future for children impacted by domestic and family violence, read our ‘Making children visible DV snapshot’ report here.

Events
A Vigil to remember those
who have died
We gather on Tuesday November 26 at 12pm in
Martin Place, not only to honour the women and children murdered in domestic violence homicides over the past year but also to demand immediate, concrete change.
UNITE AGAINST VIOLENCE: No More Empty Shoes.
By standing with us and sharing your voice, you will not only inspire hope but also amplify the message that #enoughisenough.
Free Webinar for sector professionals
"Amplifying the Voices of Children and Young People in Family, Domestic and Sexual Violence and Coercive Control: Practitioner Strategies”
This FREE interactive webinar is aimed at all staff who work with children, young people, and their families who have experienced any or all types of Family, Domestic and Sexual Violence, especially Coercive Control. Panelists include:
Delia Donovan, Domestic Violence NSW
Dr Robert Urquhart, Barnardos Australia
Mary-Jo McVeigh, Cara House
Dr Tim Moore, Australian Catholic University
NAPCAN, Youth Advocate.

Ending Domestic & Family Violence: A Podcast with Farah Mak
Actor and Domestic and Family Violence Advocate, Farah Mak, talks to Matt Hooey, Barnardos Head of Practice and Impact, about her lived experience with DFV and how she supported her children through the trauma.
Ending Domestic & Family Violence:
A Podcast with Farah Mak

Video captions
Hello and welcome to a Barnardos Australia podcast.
My name is Matt Hooey, and I’m the Head of Practice and Impact. I’d like to acknowledge the traditional owners of country throughout Australia and recognise Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders’ continued connection to land, waters, and community. Today we are recording on the land of the Wallumedegal People.
Today we’re here to talk with Farah Mak, whom some of you might know from Neighbours. A well-known Australian actor, who is also on a mission to empower the lives of children and young people, particularly with their self-worth. The mission has come from an internal personal experience with domestic and family violence. So welcome to the podcast.
Thank you. It’s an absolute honour to be here, and I’m so grateful for your time, Matt.
Absolutely. We’re really keen to hear from you and your experience, particularly your lived experience and your journey of healing and how you’ve come to, I suppose, be able to talk about the experience and then empower other people.
Thank you. Yes. So ask away any questions. I think starting from the beginning, I’m happy to talk about my lived experience and what led me to become an advocate and activist in this sector.
Just a bit about Barnardos. We impact about 14 to 15,000 children and young people and their families across Barnardos New South Wales and ACT each year. An ongoing trend we typically are starting to see and have seen for some time is domestic and family violence. No matter what end of the stick you’re at, whether it’s early intervention or in out-of-home care, which is in the foster care side of things. But one key thing that continues to come up in our way of approaching our work with helping clients or kids heal from trauma is about self-worth and their identity. So I’m curious to hear from you. Your, like, I suppose, from the start to where we are now and what you want to share with how you’ve been able to shape your experiences to where you are.
If I look back and reflect on my own childhood, my childhood was a beautiful combination of wonder and challenge, I would say. I look back at Little Farah and think she grew up with a lens of magical, sparkly glitter, trying to see the possibility and joy in everything. But running alongside that was a little bit of fear, uncertainty, and doubt, which would make me question my own worth. In hindsight, I look back at my childhood and see that there were themes of family violence there that I didn’t recognise as a child, which would affect my own self-worth. Later in life, I guess, this is part of what drew me to magnetise the wrong people into my life who would treat me in the wrong way. That’s where the domestic and family violence lived experience really came in as an adult and the self-worth side of it. I think it’s so important for children to learn about self-worth from a young age—to know exactly who they are, what they stand for, and what they have to say. Instilling in children that they are worthy of love, worthy of safety, worthy of value, and being accepted just because of who they are—not for any external validation.
Ah, so you mentioned in your childhood that you had picked up on signs that you probably didn’t really recognize back then about what you were living through. What do you think in society has changed or community has changed in terms of attitudes around violence in the home?
I think first and foremost, back then, abuse in general in the home was a dark, hidden secret. The good thing is that now we’re talking about it openly, and there’s a light shining on what domestic and family violence is. It’s not nobody’s business because it’s behind closed doors. It’s everybody’s business because it affects everybody. Now we have names for certain behaviours that we didn’t understand were parts of family violence. We used to think that it was just someone being physically harmed—a punch in the face or something—and that’s what domestic and family violence looked like back in my youth. Again, I would say that was almost normalised because it was nobody else’s business. Now it’s everyone’s business, and we’re all talking about it. But we also have an insight and understanding around things that are drivers that lead to that physical violence that, in my personal opinion, are much harsher. That’s gaslighting, coercive control, love-bombing—all the little red flags that actually leave a deep scar and a deep emotional trauma. The impact can last much longer than any sort of physical harm.
Yeah, it really does shape your experiences as a kid to have all those different elements in your life because it can confuse how you relate to people as you become older and an adult. Then what we see is the cycle of finding someone who is someone that you’ve maybe grown up with or who has perpetrated abuse, essentially. That’s a hard thing to go through as a child. Did you have any, I suppose, internal strengths or attributes that you really relied on to help give you a voice and help your self-worth and empowerment?
I drew on my creativity. I would write poetry and stories to sort of escape into a little magical world, and that’s followed me through my life. I once had someone say to me, “Farah, your rose-colored glasses are so rosy, you would look at a broken-down old caravan and see The Taj Mahal.” So it’s been a strength and a weakness, to be honest. I was always looking for the best in people. The weakness part was that I would accept less than what I was worthy of. But the strength is that it builds resilience and helps you to always see the optimal side of things, the positivity, and the joy.
You’re an actor, and that’s essentially what your job is—telling a story. Throughout your career, how have you relied on storytelling to help amplify domestic violence on a larger advocacy scale?
Yes. I must say, for a period there, particularly when I was escaping and healing after that abusive relationship, I lost that ability to storytell because I felt like a completely empty shell. I didn’t know who I was. I literally was just this person that felt empty on the inside. I didn’t know how to storytell anymore. I didn’t know how to use my voice. It wasn’t until I started healing and writing—writing was a powerful thing for me. Poetry and creative writing helped me find my voice again. Through storytelling, I was able to not only heal myself but also heal others. My voice came about through the creative process of writing again and then using my voice and seeing the impact it made to reach other people. They might connect with your story—just one small piece. They might not have been a victim of family violence, but something else might have been a trauma in their life that has impacted them. They connect with that piece and then look at you for hope and healing and say, “If that person can overcome that, I too can overcome that.” You can have that unity in storytelling. To be able to talk from an authentic place is really powerful.
Still, we are hearing less about children being impacted, even though we know that children are significantly impacted if they are in the home. It’s this cycle I think we need to really focus more on—children as direct victims of family violence. I do a lot about empowerment for women because of my own lived experience, but I’m also really passionate about children because they’re not being seen or heard or valued enough in the Family and Federal Circuit Courts, or in schools. There needs to be more trauma-informed practices within schools to recognise the signs. We now also understand what coercive control, gaslighting, and all the things we’ve talked about are. So for teachers to be trauma-informed around certain behaviours that a child witnessing family violence might display, that’s the important thing—to be able to recognise those signs. For children to know what they’re worthy of and how they should be treated, what love looks like, what respect looks like, and what a healthy relationship looks like.
And thinking about healthy relationships, what was, if you don’t mind sharing, the turning point for you to say, “Actually, this is not a healthy relationship that I’m in”? What was the turning point for you to find that voice?
I think there were so many moments.
It wasn’t like one big dramatic moment because I stayed for far too long and endured far too much. That faint whisper that kept saying to me, you are worthy of so much more. Sorry, I’m getting emotional now. But most importantly, looking at my children and seeing their future selves and knowing that I had to be the person to role model what a healthy relationship was, what love really looks like, what respect really looks like, and breaking that cycle for them. Taking them out of that environment so it’s not normalized for them, thinking about their lives in the future and who I wanted them to be, what I visualized for them.
So the turning point wasn’t like one dramatic moment, although there were many of those, to be honest. It was that quiet whisper that kept saying, you are worthy of so much more.
So you’d mentioned that it took you, from your perspective, far too long, and there were a lot of warning signs and red flags left, right, and center. What was your experience of asking for help?
Asking for help was incredibly hard for me. The fear of retaliation, the stigma, the overwhelming shame. And as we’ve talked about, when you’re a victim of family violence, often your self-worth is stripped away. So I felt like I wasn’t worthy of help or nobody would believe me. So it was incredibly hard. I had some certain people in my life who I reached out to who helped build that self-worth back up. So it was friendships and loved ones who believed me and supported me and gave me the courage to then reach out to organizations that helped build that process. The more I was able to talk about it, the safer I felt.
And I think that’s where, coming back to it, it’s so important that organizations, like yourselves, also the police, ambulance, family and federal circuit courts, magistrates courts, believe victims and survivors of family violence. Because they have already been through enough emotional overwhelm and trauma and feel like they’re not good enough and not worthy to be treated well. So then often there’s that retraumatization in the sector, in the process.
Yeah. And yeah, absolutely right. The retraumatization that comes back to that, having to tell your story over and over again. Safe Steps Family Violence Response Centre in Victoria was a lifeline for me. There was just one particular woman who was a court support worker in the magistrates court, who held my hand, put her arm around me, and made me feel like she was a mother figure. She made me feel safe and loved. So that was a real turning point for me in feeling safe and loved and valued and heard.
Others, I will say, I had some terrible experiences within the family and federal circuit courts. So it was not a linear process, and there were parts that were nurturing and wonderful and helped empower me to keep moving forward, and others that really were retraumatizing and made me feel like I was to blame for the experience.
Yeah. I’m curious to know when you were going through this process, what was it like for your children? Were people asking about the children specifically? Because we often will hear also that kids are often hidden within the process.
Yes. Again, certain organizations were asking about the children. Others weren’t, and there were certain aspects of the process that were, again, retraumatizing the children. I think with children, no matter how much we try and shield them from what’s going on, children are actually very intuitive. So they pick up on things, they pick up on energy. So it’s really important that we’re really focusing in on the kids and that sectors are taking note of how they’re responding, how they’re acting, how their behaviors are, to know what sort of trauma that they’ve been holding from. They might have just seen and heard it, but seeing and hearing abuse is essentially being a direct victim, especially for a young person.
Barnardos continues to be a strong advocate in ensuring that children’s voices are heard and that they’re getting the right supports in place. From your perspective, what would have helped you and your kids, or what do you think, from your advocacy work and what you’ve heard, would support communities?
Something I’m really passionate about is that I really believe there needs to be programs in place to strengthen self-worth in children—empowerment programs, trauma-informed programs, or a program that is trauma-informed, strengthening self-worth and empowering. I’d love to see something like this rolled out in schools, family, and federal circuit courts. It’s something that I’m really passionate about, that when you walk out of the courts, no matter what the outcome is, you feel lost—lost and afraid and not knowing what to do next.
So I’ve spoken to some leaders within the courts about saying, I think it’s your responsibility that you offer an opt-in program to help with the healing and empowerment journey from the next step, rather than just, Okay, we’re done. Off you go. Happy life.
So I think schools, family and federal circuit courts, organizations like Barnardos, and other nonprofits who support victims and survivors of family violence should have self-worth-strengthening empowerment programs that are trauma-informed, that really support children and build their sense of identity so they know who they are, that they are loved, safe, valued, and heard.
So how did conversations about domestic and family violence or just violence in general look in your household, like with your kids? I think these conversations need to be approached first with honesty, simplicity, and reassurance, so the children.
Know that they’re not at fault, there’s no blame on them, and that they are safe, loved, and supported. So having that heart-to-heart, honest conversation and taking away that dark, scary monster—being able to look at their feelings, name their feelings, put a label on their emotions, and have a discussion around what that is.
Having that simple, honest, open conversation that is age-appropriate, using the right language, and just talking from the heart. It’s also okay to add some joy to it. It’s okay to add joy and hope in difficult conversations so they have something to look forward to and know that the next steps are exciting and joyful.
That’s really interesting. Honesty and safety are so important. But you’ve got different-aged children, so when did you know it was the right time to have a conversation?
That’s a great question. I don’t know if there is a right time. It’s about finding moments. Each child is so different in who they are. We’re all so different as human beings. Children have their different personalities and their different ways of taking in a conversation and their own needs and healing journeys. So, I don’t think there’s ever a “right” time—it’s about finding the right moment with each child.
With my youngest, he’s more open to these heartfelt conversations, so I can find moments where I can say, “Oh, do you want to do a mommy-son chat time?” and talk about his feelings or how certain things might have affected him. He’s more open to that. But with my teenage daughter, it’s really about finding that right moment where she feels safe and comfortable to open up and express how she’s feeling. So, rather than a “right” time, I think my answer would be finding the right moments.
Yeah, absolutely. And we see this particularly with a lot of our services. Adolescents are juggling everything in life. They’re asking, “Who am I in school? Who am I on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook?” Essentially, we’re all competing with that headspace, right? Everything is compounded on top of each other. That’s why I think it’s so important you’re doing the work on self-worth, because that’s a form of early intervention. Starting early, before they reach that adolescent stage when they’re trying to find their place in the world, is really important. Having those skills, strengths, and attributes within themselves to rely on is crucial.
Absolutely. I think self-worth is the foundation of it all. If you’ve got a strong sense of self-worth—knowing who you are, what you stand for, and what you want to say—then that’s the foundation for a successful, happy, and joyful life.
I’ve done some work in my career around self-worth and identity, particularly therapeutic life story work with kids in out-of-home care [foster care]. It’s about storytelling, self-worth, and helping kids understand their past experiences—not just theirs, but also their parents’ and grandparents’ experiences. Intergenerational trauma is so significant.
You’re absolutely right. The way you’d explain a concept to me would be different than how you’d explain it to someone else. It’s about child-led conversations and taking opportunities. I’ve found that experience really rewarding and empowering for children to be able to understand these large concepts, often in creative and fun ways. Most adults in society don’t fully grasp these concepts, especially brain development in kids.
That process was so healing for those kids because they were able to see their grandparents, who often had experienced trauma (though not everyone), and how that led to their parents’ experiences, which then shaped their own experiences. We focused a lot on the pregnancy aspect—even before a child is born, their mom might be experiencing significant trauma, often domestic and family violence. When you’re in your mommy’s tummy, even if you haven’t taken your first breath, it’s still impacting you dramatically. It’s not as cookie-cutter as people might think; it’s about understanding how everything in your life, even from generations before, has an impact.
Oh, I love that. It’s so powerful. I love that you speak about the impact on the unborn baby—that when you’re in mommy’s tummy, you can take in mommy’s emotions and feelings. Pregnancy is where it really starts, in terms of early intervention. That little baby already absorbs belief systems and emotions along the way during pregnancy.
It’s so important that we have prevention and support for pregnant women. We advocate for and deliver specific domestic family violence services for young people in communities, and we want to expand that as much as we can. That’s a form of early intervention. Group work, training, facilitation—whatever you want to call it—is about teaching young people what a healthy relationship looks like.
It’s about recognizing red flags, coercive control, manipulation, or even just that gut feeling when something doesn’t feel right. For young people and children, it’s so important to understand their intuition, follow it, and recognize red flags early on.
So we’ve talked about coercive control, gaslighting, and love bombing—another one I didn’t understand when I was going through it myself. In hindsight, I realize now that it led to stalking in my personal situation.
Seeing all of those things and having conversations around them, it’s important to have a good understanding and, most importantly, as you said, Matt, to follow your intuition. When something doesn’t feel right, really tune into that.
We need to think holistically about domestic violence and how we can change it together, one person at a time. It’s about being that person who gives a hug, holds someone in that space, and says, “Hey, it’s okay. You’re with me. We can get through this.”
That’s beautiful. Matt, I think you’re right—it’s about that one person. Bringing it back to the community, thank you for bringing that up. That one woman made such an impact on my life that I’ve been an advocate and activist ever since. She made me feel safe, loved, heard, valued, and worthy. And I thought, “I want every person who’s experienced domestic and family violence to feel this way.”
From her planting that little seed of love, it inspired me to become an advocate. I see so many others doing similar work through their own healing and empowerment.
What do you think are some of the impacts we might not be seeing in the community?
I think a lot of the invisible, underlying things we need to be aware of aren’t obvious. Often, children who have been around domestic and family violence have had their confidence and sense of self eroded. It leaves them questioning who they are in the world, feeling unworthy, and not really knowing their importance.
This can lead to things like anxiety, depression, and behavioral problems. As they grow older, it might manifest as perfectionism, difficulty trusting relationships, or struggling to attract healthy relationships. These silent, invisible things might not be recognized early on. A child questioning who they are in the world can carry that doubt with them for a lifetime.
That’s why prevention and understanding are so important—looking at these silent effects on children, not just seeing a “naughty kid” and stopping there. Instead, asking, “What has this child been through? What’s led to this behavior?” and then finding solutions to wrap them in love and help them heal, so they don’t carry that with them forever.
I think the thing that’s really important as well—and something we often see in Barnardo’s Centres—is families asking for support, which is fantastic. Sometimes, it’s about children’s behaviors, and that’s where we see the need for deeper understanding. When I worked in out-of-home care [foster care], teachers would often call me about incidents in the classroom.
It’s about encouraging people to look beyond the behavior, to think deeper, and to be trauma-informed. A child is always telling you something through their behavior. It’s about recognizing that and providing them with the opportunity to have a voice by asking critical questions.
I think, and I don’t know about you, but society still struggles to ask those tough, uncomfortable questions, particularly when it comes to domestic and family violence. It’s an uncomfortable topic for many people, which is why it’s so important to break the stigma and just be able to have a conversation about it.
Going back to what you’re saying about teachers being trauma-informed, it’s just as important for parents. A broader community understanding and education around trauma-informed approaches is crucial. As a parent, having a trauma-informed perspective helps me understand not only my children’s behavior but also other children’s behavior.
It makes it easier to know how to handle situations when I see something outside the norm. Teachers, too, can benefit from this understanding. I’ve had teachers comment about my children misbehaving, and they often seem to hit a panic button instead of looking beneath the surface. Understanding that a behavior might just need a little more love and care takes the pressure off the child and the adult handling it.
Like, if you’ve got that trauma-informed understanding, you don’t feel like you’re having to suddenly fix something. You just know how to resolve it in a more nurturing, loving, holistic approach. Time and time again, we hear that when a woman becomes pregnant, that is one of the most critical and dangerous times for them in a domestic and family violent relationship for many, many factors. And that they’re still children, and it’s still impacting them for their lifetime to come.
That’s where Barnardo’s work is so important. And thank you for what you do. So I think back to my own experiences and how alone and afraid I felt at times. The more we can talk about Barnardo’s being there to help you through pregnancy, through every part of the way, the support they give children is life-changing.
I believe you’ve got a book called ‘I Am Worthy’ that you’ve written, and it’s all about empowering women and girls. “I Am Worthy” came about from a poem I wrote many years ago called She Shines, which was part of my own healing journey. It was a poem written about a woman who goes on a journey to rediscover her self-worth. Essentially, it was my own journey. I wrote it one day while sitting on a train, watching people come and go. A beautiful young woman boarded my carriage, and I thought, wow, she’s really beautiful. But then something stopped me and captivated me with her. I could see or sense brokenness within.
It was almost like a mirror reflecting back my own broken parts—fear, shame, insecurity. That’s when creativity became my healing foundation. I wrote She Shines that day, and I had a very clear vision to turn She Shines into a film to help heal and empower others. It took me many years to adapt that poem into a film, and I finally did that. It’s still a work in progress, but from She Shines as the foundation, I launched the Self-Worth Movement, with a mission to educate, inspire, and empower people about the value and profound importance of self-worth. My focus has mostly been on women survivors, but I’ve now launched the Sparkle Squad Girls as a prevention piece.
The Sparkle Squad Girls teach children about their core values and, essentially, what self-worth is. The very first book is I Am Worthy, which will be coming out in the new year. It’s about a girl named Worthy, who takes readers on a journey to learn about self-worth. It’s written in a modern fairytale style to make it fun and engaging, bringing that light and sparkle. It helps children find their own hero within, so they become the hero of their own fairy tale.
You also have affirmation cards—beautiful self-worth affirmation cards. What do you say we do one?
Alright, first off the rank is optimism. How’s that? I’m going to hand this to you if you want to put it on your heart. What are you feeling optimistic about in terms of domestic and family violence—community awareness, attitudes, or just your own journey?
I’m very optimistic right now about the community in general. We’re having the conversation and taking away that dark, scary monster, understanding that it’s everyone’s business and responsibility. I’m really optimistic about organizations like Barnardo’s, who are trailblazing the way to bring transformational change and hope and healing to families to help break the cycle.
I’m super optimistic about advocates who are out there using their pain, turning it into purpose, and sharing their stories. They’re using their voices to pave the path for others—offering healing and light. Again, educating people around the red flags to stop them from continuing the cycle.
Thank you for coming along and advocating strongly for kids, for their voice, and for sharing your story. It’s not easy to do. I really admire your vulnerability and the drive to share your story to empower others in the community or anyone who will be listening.
Thank you. It’s been an honor to be here with you, Matt, and I’m very grateful for you and all the work that Barnardo’s is doing. I hope this piece inspires others to share their story and empower themselves on their own healing journey.
Absolutely. If you require any support, immediate support, please contact 1800 RESPECT or, if you’re Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander, you can contact 13 YARN for cultural support.
It is time to recognise children and young people as victim survivors of domestic and family violence.
It is critical that children have access to their own trauma counselling and other specialist DFV services.

Our government asks
Barnardos Australia asks that the Federal and all State and Territory Governments act on the following six areas of priority:
Recognise children and young people as equal victims of domestic and family violence in policy, programs and service delivery across every Territory and State and ensure that this is prioritised and implemented as part of the First Action Plan 2023-2027 under the National Plan to End Violence Towards Women and Children 2022-2032.
Prioritise children and young people who are victim-survivors of domestic and family violence, and ensure they receive immediate and effective trauma-informed counselling and therapy.
Provide funding for domestic and family violence child specialist workers in all seven Barnardos Children’s Family centres to ensure children and young people are supported in their own right with case management and support.
Increase funding for safe, secure and affordable social housing for children and families fleeing domestic violence situations, including crisis, transitional and long-term housing in order to directly prevent children needing to enter out-of-home care.
Review the legislation to give children a say about whether they wish to see a perpetrator parent after an AVO or court order is issued.
Prioritise primary prevention and fund age-appropriate domestic and family violence education programs which are nationally consistent across early childhood education, primary and secondary schools.

Take action
You can advocate for children by taking a stand with us. Become a champion for children by acting now to protect children from domestic and family violence. Here are some simple ways to help drive change for children:

We need to act now
Change is possible. You can help by sharing our social media posts
If you are experiencing family violence, concerned for your safety, or in an emergency situation please call 000 for urgent police assistance.

Children: The Hidden Victims of Domestic Violence Podcast
We are not going to stop talking about the impact that domestic and family violence has on children until every child is safe and supported.
We sat down with CEO of DVNSW Delia Donovan and our CEO Deirdre Cheers to talk about how we can make change to create a violence free world for children and young people.

Children: The Hidden Victims of
Domestic Violence Podcast
Video captions
Welcome to Barnardos Australia Podcast
Matt: Welcome to Barnardos Australia podcast. My name is Matt Hooey, and I’m the Head of Practice and Impact. We are talking about children, the hidden victims of domestic and family violence. We have a guest, Delia Donovan, and our CEO, Deirdre Cheers. Delia, would you like to introduce yourself to the listeners?
Delia: Absolutely, Matt. Hi everybody, I’m Delia Donovan, the CEO of Domestic Violence New South Wales. We are the peak body that represents over 150 life-saving organizations across the state.
Matt: Thank you, and it’s absolutely incredible having you as part of the conversation here today. We’ve also got Deirdre Cheers, our CEO at Barnardos. Do you want to give a quick hello?
Deirdre: Hello, hello. I’m Deirdre Cheers. I’ve been CEO of Barnardos since 2015. I’m a social worker by training, and over my career, I’ve seen a significant change in the way we recognize domestic and family violence. I’m particularly interested in this conversation because it’s such an important area of focus.
Matt: Absolutely, and focus it is because we are in the 16 Days of Activism, a global campaign that builds awareness against gender-based violence. Before we get into any content, I think it’s really important to have a trigger warning as we will be talking about domestic and family violence throughout this podcast today, including stories, impact research, and various conversations. Please look after yourself, and if you need support, 1800RESPECT is always there for you.
Matt: I’d like to start this podcast by acknowledging the traditional owners of country throughout Australia and recognizing Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people’s continuing connection to land, waters, and community. I pay my respects to Elders past, present, and to our children and young people emerging. I am committed to approaching culture with humility, respect, and curiosity, and we are on Gadigal land today.
Matt: Deirdre, Barnardos is quite a large organization impacting children and families across New South Wales and the ACT. With all the programs and services, why should we be paying such a focus on domestic and family violence?
Deirdre: If we reflect back on the last six weeks or so, we have seen an extraordinary number of women killed, including a woman in my own suburb, only several streets away. I live in an ordinary suburban area with three schools within a radius of probably a kilometer and a half and five primary schools within 3 km. There are a lot of children where I live, and the reality is that this happens everywhere. In all our Barnardos centers, we have a range of programs, but the common denominator increasingly is domestic and family violence. No matter what brings people to our door, we often discover underlying many family-related problems is domestic and family violence.
Matt: Is that what you’re seeing with Domestic Violence NSW, Delia?
Delia: Yes, we’re certainly seeing that community attitudes are a concern for us at this point. Domestic and family violence is everywhere and it certainly doesn’t discriminate. We know from the National Community Attitudes Survey that over half of Australians believe that domestic violence doesn’t happen in their suburb. We’ve recently lost 58 women to domestic and family violence across Australia, so this isn’t about discriminating by postcode. This happens everywhere. Particularly, children and young people are often the silent and forgotten victims of domestic and family violence. They tend not to have a voice, the right services, or support, and it’s an underfunded space. We’re really keen to advocate that children and young people are seen and heard, and that there are recovery services to support them.
Matt: You made a really good point about children often being the hidden victims. There’s a lot of media coverage, but why do you think, Deirdre, that children might still be suffering in the public agenda of not having their voices heard or considered?
Deirdre: It’s one of those issues where people not only don’t think it’s going to happen in their sphere of living, but it’s also something uncomfortable to talk about. For people who have experienced it directly, let alone children, it’s not exactly a social conversation topic. For children, we at Barnardos did a national survey last year, and the finding that really jumped out at me was that adults who told us how very much living with violence had impacted them also told us they had informed someone at school, like a teacher, but they weren’t heard. In an environment like a school, where teachers are trained to work with children and know a lot about child development, if that message is not picked up on and heard, children are left very powerless. Children don’t take much to feel that something’s not okay to talk about.
Matt: Delia, you have an extensive history working with domestic and family violence here in Australia and also in the UK. When did you realize that children’s voices weren’t being heard in these conversations?
Delia: That’s a great question. There have been many parts of my career where it’s become prominent. When I was doing my social work course, I chose domestic violence as a module. It wasn’t actually in the social work curriculum, which is important to note. I was managing therapeutic communities for kids and went as a social work student to an organization called DASH (Domestic Abuse Stops Here). I noticed that while the focus was rightly on the mother, there was no one really addressing the needs of the kids. I was invited back to set up the Children’s Services team at DASH, the first of its kind in the UK back in 2009. We looked at tailored services for kids in refuges and the community, and cultural change in schools. That was a big learning phase.
Delia: Another moment was when I came to Australia and worked at White Ribbon, looking at prevention work. It was clear that we were in an echo chamber in our sector, and community conversations weren’t happening. Those are two key moments that highlighted the need for doing more for children and changing community attitudes.
Matt: Deirdre, reflecting on the past decade, what has really stood out for you in terms of putting children’s voices at the forefront with domestic and family violence?
Deirdre: It’s been nearly ten years since Luke Batty was killed by his father. That crime shocked Australia, particularly because Rosie Batty, his mother, was an ordinary middle Australian. People still treat domestic and family violence as something that happens to others, not to them. Even in social work, there’s a tendency to distance oneself from the difficulty of the work. But domestic and family violence is everywhere; it’s classless. Luke Batty’s death was a watershed moment because he was an ordinary little boy at cricket, and his mother was doing her best to protect him. That was shocking.
Matt: You both mentioned it happens anywhere at any time. We need more community awareness on how to respond. People often don’t know what to do. What are your thoughts, Delia?
Delia: In 2014, we had children’s specialist workers in refuges across New South Wales. But reforms meant we lost those workers. In 2021, we advocated for their return, and got 20 workers back. However, it’s still a small pilot. We are now calling for statewide children’s specialist workers in all refuges, not just in refuges, but also in community settings. We need these resources and supports for children and young people.
Deirdre: Absolutely, we need skilled people embedded in local services where families can come without the stigma of needing a DV specialist. They want to feel normal and safe, but we need the skilled people there, particularly for children. It’s about making sure people feel safe to say something’s not okay.
Matt: We’ve mentioned education a few times. How can we best train our future practitioners to respond to families and children in these situations?
Delia: We need to utilize existing training like DV-alert and 1800RESPECT’s resources. Advocacy for minimum standards and professionalizing the sector is crucial, but we must also ensure accessibility to education and training for all levels of workers. Schools should have a whole-of-school culture around respect, and teachers need to be trained to understand domestic and family violence.
Deirdre: We need to reframe this issue as a shared responsibility for personal safety, not just a problem to be fixed. Children depend on us for their safety, and we need to ensure they feel safe to call out when something’s not right.
Matt: Considering the broad approach needed, do you think the New South Wales child protection system is effectively responding to children in domestic and family violence situations?
Deirdre: That’s a loaded question. Child protection reporting laws are sophisticated, but they can let people off the hook because they feel they’ve done their part by reporting. In reality, it doesn’t mean the family will get the necessary assistance. We need a broader community responsibility, and while reporting laws are necessary, they don’t ensure additional services for the family.
Delia: Absolutely. We can tend to victim-blame the surviving parent, often the mother. We need to focus on the perpetrator and ensure better integration and sharing of information between services like housing, mental health, child protection, and police. Creative models where specialist workers are embedded in places like police stations and hospitals are essential. The system needs to be more supportive and less punitive.
Matt: Prevention work is crucial. How can we enforce the recognition of children as victims and ensure their voices are heard in these conversations?
Delia: We need to listen to the experiences of children and young people. Initiatives like embedding children’s specialist workers in all domestic and family violence services and supporting primary prevention programs in schools are key. Training for all frontline workers, including teachers and health professionals, is essential.
Deirdre: We need to create environments where children feel safe to talk. Schools and community settings need to be places where children know they can speak up and be heard. The responsibility is on all of us to ensure they are seen and heard.

Tegan's story
"My children have come out with things that I've had to seek out help for because they have experienced trauma, and they haven't processed the trauma." - Tegan, domestic violence victim-survivor and advocate.

Tegan talks about the effect that domestic violence had on her children
Video captions
“When I left the relationship, everyone put me in to see a psychologist. Everyone made referrals for me to be looked after. Now, in those sessions, I tried to source help for my children. Now let’s fast forward five years. My children have come out with things that I’ve had to seek out help for because they have experienced trauma, and they haven’t processed the trauma.”
Barnardos conducted a national survey into the impact of domestic and family violence on children. It found children are silent victims with nowhere to turn.
“I experience persistent fears that whilst I was away from my mother, she should be killed by my stepfather. I couldn’t sleep when my stepfather was home late because I knew he was out drinking, and there would be a fight when he got home. As soon as I heard raised voices, I went out to protect my mother. It started when I was in preschool.” – Survey response read by actor.
“We need more in place to help these kids because, at the end of the day, they’re our future.”

Myths and facts about Domestic and Family Violence
Click on the Myth’s card below to learn the facts.
Myth
Domestic violence is physical violence
Fact
Domestic violence is not always physical. Domestic and family violence can involve any behaviours that makes you feel scared, attempt to control you, involve threats to you and/or your children, and deny you choice or freedom.
Myth
Children who ‘witness’ DFV in their home are not harmed
Fact
Children are not ‘witnesses’ of DFV, they are victims and they can be seriously harmed by DFV even if they are not physically abused.
Myth
Children can overcome any negative effects they may experience from DFV
Fact
DFV can have major impacts on children, some of which continue into adulthood. Many children who have experienced DFV develop lifelong psychological, physical and emotional impacts.
Myth
Anyone can leave a domestic violence situation
Fact
It is not always safe to leave a domestic violence situation at any moment. There is an increased risk of harm or death when leaving so the timing is usually carefully planned. It is not ok to judge a person for staying in their DV situation. Ultimately, of course it is best to escape the situation, but this can take time and careful planning, especially when there are children involved.
To find out more about domestic and family violence, read our research report.
Domestic and Family Violence FAQs
What is domestic and family violence?
Domestic and family violence is any violent, threatening, coercive or controlling behaviour that happens in current relationships or past family, domestic or intimate relationships.
Abuse doesn’t have to involve physical violence, to be domestic or family violence.
Domestic and family violence can involve behaviour that makes you feel scared, involve threats to you and your children, and denies you choice and freedom. Domestic and family violence almost always involves an ongoing repeated pattern of behaviour to control you. This is known as coercive control, which can include both physical and non-physical abuse.
What is coercive control?
Coercive control is a pattern of controlling and manipulative behaviours. Coercive control can be hard to spot because it often starts slowly or builds up over time. It can involve both physical and non-physical abuse. Everyone’s experience is different, but there are some common behaviours to look out for.
Some examples of coercive control behaviours are name calling, controlling access to money, checking your phone or text messages, not allowing you to go to school or work, cutting you off from friends or family, and many others.
A person who uses coercive control may use these abusive behaviours to scare you and take away your freedom and independence. The behaviours can be subtle and sometimes, this means only you and the person using violence against you can tell how harmful the behaviour is. The impacts of coercive control are serious no matter which abusive behaviours are used.
Is domestic violence only physical?
No, domestic violence is an ongoing repeated pattern of behaviour to control you. It is not always physical. Domestic and family violence can involve behaviour that makes you feel scared, involve threats to you, your children or pets, and denies your choice.
Who experiences domestic violence?
Domestic and family violence can happen to anyone. It can happen to anyone from any background, and it is widespread across Australia and the world. It does not only happen in certain cultures or postcodes, it can happen to anyone, anywhere.

Further help and support resources
- https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/A4_AllyDoc_web82520.pdf
- https://www.ecav.health.nsw.gov.au/
- https://www.vic.gov.au/maram-practice-guides-and-resources
- https://www.insightexchange.net/
- https://vawc.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/STACY-Practice-Guide-Working-with-Complexity.pdf
- https://www.anrows.org.au/project/stacy-for-children//
If you are experiencing family violence, concerned for your safety, or in an emergency situation please call 000 for urgent police assistance.