Our adoption journey
Adoptive parents, Rory and Dan, began their journey with respite foster care which ultimately led to adopting their son and becoming part of a supportive community.
Once this little person comes into your life, you never look back.
About 9 years ago my husband Dan and I decided we wanted to start a family together, but we were nervous about becoming new parents. So, we chose to go on the foster care journey first – and it was the best thing we could have done.
Respite foster care (caring for a child one weekend a month to give their carers a break) seemed to be a great option for us because it gave us a taste of parenting without the 24/7 commitment. It allowed us to test our abilities as parents and how we would work together to look after the children for a short period of time. It helped us to gain trust in our own abilities.
When we were looking for an agency to take us along the foster care journey, one of the main things we focused on was for them to be welcoming and accepting of same-sex couples. Barnardos Australia certainly ticked that box.
At the training sessions there were people with all sorts of family structures waiting to get approved to be foster carers, including same-sex couples. We felt like we belonged with Barnardos.
Once we were approved for respite foster care, we were eventually placed with a 12-year-old boy named Ben. He stayed with us for one weekend a month for over four years. We felt like Ben was part of our family. When we got married in 2018, we asked him to be a part of our wedding party and he accepted, it was such a beautiful moment that we were able to share with him.
In addition to Ben, we looked after 3 other young people over 4 years, giving their main foster carers a break over the weekends and allowing each young person to have a bit of fun when they were with us.
Its so wonderful to see the amazing young man that Ben has grown into today. He’s just turned 19 and is studying medicine at university. We feel so proud to have had a hand in his upbringing.
After getting experience as respite carers for several years, we felt ready to apply for Barnardos adoption program. We went through extensive interviews with Barnardos to ensure that we were the right match and after one and a half years, we got a call that there was a potential child who needed us as their family.
We started the process by getting to know Shaq through his photos and descriptions. When we finally met him in person, he was nine months old. It was a very quick process of about 6 weeks between receiving the phone call and having a new child in our home.
We got a lot of support during the early days, which is one of the great things about foster care. You’re not alone. We had our own families to lean on and we also had the unending support of Barnardos to help us out with every little thing.
Unfortunately, it did get more difficult during the adoption process as the birth mother contested the application, which meant the case had to go to the Supreme Court. In the end, however, all parties were very happy with the outcome. Shaq’s mother actually told the judge that she was confident ‘Dan and Rory will make the best possible parents for Shaq’.
Last year, we went to Mardi Gras with Shaq, the Rainbow Families group and Gay Dads. We really felt part of a special family whose members had all been on different but equally amazing adoption journeys. It was wonderful and Shaq had a ball.
All we can say to others thinking about adoption is once this little person comes into your life, you never look back. It’s been the most rewarding experience for us.