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Belonging for life
Adoptive parents Paul and Ronnie saw the importance of keeping siblings together and maintaining a connection to birth family for identity and belonging.
I wish more people would think about sibling adoption and about adopting older kids.
Sydney couple Paul and Ronnie both really valued their sibling relationships growing up.
So it was a natural step for them when they decided to foster three young siblings aged four, five and seven in need of a permanent home, in September 2016.
It was an “amazing yet petrifying” week when the children first moved in, the couple reflects. Despite this, Ronnie says it felt right. “This was fate and these kids belong with us and it’s the best decision we ever made, from the very beginning. And since they were adopted in June this year, it’s a whole new level of normal. You wouldn’t believe the sense of peace and love and security that the kids are feeling.”
Barnardos provided the couple with training and support every step of the way to ensure they were aware of the challenges and understood the importance of open communication with the children about their history. “Being adopted is something that they’re proud of,” says Ronnie. “It’s not a stigma and it never will be. It will always be part of their history, they’ll always have a connection to their birth family and we embrace it.”
Paul says the connection to their children’s birth family is vitally important for all of them and they look forward to sharing birthdays and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day together.
“Every single day we’ve realised we’ve made exactly the right decision and I wish more people would think about sibling adoption and about adopting older kids.”
Meet Ronnie and Paul
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Ronnie: I’m Ronnie, I’m 39.
Paul: I’m Paul, I’m 46.
Ronnie: And we’ve just adopted three kids who are age ten, eight, and seven.
Barnardos, if anything, over prepared us. Every piece of information we could possibly want was made available to us. If we had a question, it was answered through all the training sessions, through everything we’ve done. There’s been a very open communication from the very beginning.
We were made aware of every challenge we might face, every issue we might face, every step along the path that we might feel uncomfortable about. We were told everything up front, which I think meant that when those challenges did come, we were ready for them. We knew they were coming and like I said, we were over prepared, so most of those challenges never arrived in the first place.
Paul: Yeah, the transparency from all the way through the interview process, the recruitment process, and the training was, I thought, was exemplary.
But yeah, I remember, it was such a joyous day and joyous week. We met them on the Tuesday, I think it was.
Ronnie: At a park.
Paul: At a park, and then we, I think we took them bowling on the Thursday, the day before they moved in with us. And we were having so much fun. I remember dropping them off the day before they moved in at our house, and we were playing the music on the way back from the bowling alley really loud and ‘Gangnam Style’ came on and we just turned it right up to 11 and the kids just had a ball.
Ronnie: We were sitting in the car like ‘Wayne’s World’ bonding over ‘Gangnam Style’ and dancing, yeah.
Paul: And then Bec, the caseworker was standing outside the car just in stitches
Ronnie: Laughing, yeah.
Paul: And at that moment I think Bec said, “I think we nailed it.”
Ronnie: Mm-hmm. It felt like we’ve arrived. This is it, this is how it was supposed to be.
Paul: This is what we’re supposed to be doing.
Ronnie: Yeah, this was fate and these kids belong with us, and best decision we ever made from the very beginning.
Since they’ve been adopted, it’s a whole new level of normal happy family. You wouldn’t believe the sense of peace and love and security that the kids are feeling.
Paul: The mood lifted the moment they found out our court date and then on the day of the court hearing, they were so relaxed.
Ronnie: They know their history, they know why they were given a new family. They know why they were adopted, it’s part of their identity. They go to school and they talk about it. On the day that they were being adopted, our youngest daughter, she stood up in front of her class and she told her whole class, “I’m being adopted today,” and then she explained to her class what adoption means.
It’s something that they’re proud of, it’s not a stigma and it never will be. It will always be part of their history, they always have a connection to their birth family and we embrace it.
Paul: The connection to their birth family is vitally important for all of us. We all look forward to our visits and they’re always fun and always full of activity and it’s just like any other family occasion, quite literally.
And the kids look forward to it, they look forward to sharing birthdays and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day with their family and we teach the kids that there’s no limit to love. So that, you know, you can love your birth family as much and it doesn’t take away the love you have for us.
Once you’re doing it, once you’ve done it, you’ll think, “What was I doing before? Why haven’t I been doing this all my life?” It’s because it’s just so life affirming and wonderful, every day.
Ronnie: And I think, every single day we’ve realised we’ve made exactly the right decision. And I wish more people would think about sibling adoption, and think about adopting older kids.
Paul: In all honesty, people ask me what it’s like to be a dad and every day there’s a little bit of joy in it. And that’s, that’s all. What else is there.
