Attachment Theory - Fear and Loss
What is Attachment Theory?
The profound importance of the relationships experienced by babies and infants has been recognised by neurobiological research and shown by brain imaging. The experience of an infant between birth and 3 years of age we now understand literally shapes the brain laying down neurological pathways which will determine learning, behaviour and emotional responses for the rest of a child’s life.
While many parents have concerns that they are not good enough, we know that most children have a warm and regular relationship with their mother who comforts and cares for them. However for some infants parenting is highly inconsistent and often violent and traumatic. Unattended for hours the most basic needs for comfort and care are not met – some are victims of abuse all are neglected.The necessary pathways to enable children to learn and develop are not laid down and their responses damaged.
Why acknowledging Attachment Theory is important?
Understanding the influences that early experience can have on the way children and young people we serve respond to damaging and abusive parenting, can help us make sense of complex and often destructive behaviour patterns. It can also provide guidance on ways of parenting that will encourage and nurture trust and security. Children in Barnardos care are provided with the best environment of responsiveness to help them as much as possible to recover from their early experience.
Why Barnardos meets the under 3’s attachment needs?
The impact of negative early experiences can be harmful to later social, emotional and cognitive development. Statistics also show brain development is critical within the first 3 years of a child’s life, thus it is imperative children are in a stable placement with stable nuturing carers if developmental needs are to be consistently addressed and future resilience assured. Even if a child is with good carers but moves repeatedly, fractured attachments will still haunt their future.
Disturbed and fractured attachment impacts on a child’s future
Before Charlie was adopted by Luke and Deborah, aged 8, he had been through many restoration attempts and a chain of foster care placements.
Charlie had been severely neglected by his birth mother and ignored by his birth father, both addicts. Their attempts to change and his
repeated restorations to their care continuously failed. The damaging early attachment with his birth parents was further compounded by the repeated loses of carers he had in his life.
When Charlie first came into Barnardos’ care from the Department of Community Services he had had eight foster care placements. Amazingly he seemed helpful, cheerful and eager to please so Luke and Deborah, his new family, were delighted with how quickly he settled in.
Gradually though Charlie’s moods switched between being the compliant child they had grown to know, to him becoming irritable and defiant with explosive anger towards them. These constant changes left his new family confused and unable to define any particular triggers that set his mood swings in behaviour off.
Barnardos arranged for Charlie to get professional counselling and for Luke and Deborah to explore the unsettling experience that Charlie had with various care-givers in his life. It finally became apparent that arising out of his past experiences Charlie’s fear of loss was so acute that he had learned to not show his attachment needs. In fact because the strength of his feelings was so powerful he became frightened by it and as a result he behaved in a false manner to those who cared for him.
When Charlie finally stopped ‘acting out’ with his new family he became more direct and demanding of them about the way he wanted
to be cared for and comforted. Luke and Deborah learnt to understand Charlie’s cycle of behaviour and how this related to his earlier life experiences. They acquired techniques to help Charlie be more confident in the family and trust that they would be there through
he good and bad times.
Two years later Charlie is becoming more settled and feels he belongs in a loving “forever family” where he finally feels that he can be himself.
Barnardos’ Guiding Principles
• Keep the child and young person central
• Strengthen families
• Relate respectfully
• Value our knowledge
• Pursue social justice
• Invest in the future
• Be persistent for change
Barnardos’ Mission
Barnardos builds relationships between children, young people, their families and the community. It advocates for children and young people and contributes to community knowledge about their issues.
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